Let’s Talk About Mind Reading:

Has anyone else ever found themselves guilty of “mind reading” in our relationships or interpersonal interactions?

Maybe, we imagine conversations before they happen or in place of actually having these conversations. We imagine how they will play out, we assume what others are thinking or feeling, and respond accordingly by adjusting our behavior based on these assumptions. We do this without ever actually speaking to the other person or without actually allowing the other party the opportunity to participate in the dialogue. We say, “they know how I feel," or “I know what they’ll say."

One of my favorite parts of being a therapist is when I am able to witness clients begin to challenge these assumptions and have conversations in which we actually allow others to participate in the dialogue, the dialogue which prior to this, we would have entirely in our own heads.

So how do we begin to do this?

The way we can begin to challenge this cognitive distortion successfully, is by challenging these assumptions. Is there any evidence for this assumption? Is there an alternate explanation. Can we test the assumption: express our assumptions to the other parties from a place of curiosity and vulnerability. For example: If we assume: “They don’t care about my feelings,” we can voice our feelings and allow them the opportunity to respond. These interactions may confirm what we may have already assumed, or may allow the other party the opportunity to surprise us. Either way, we have the ability to now make an informed decision as to how we want to proceed in this relationship or interaction.

When we are able to replace assumptions with curiosity or vulnerable expression of feelings, we get to have more meaningful and effective conversations. These choices are small, but powerful, and can deepen feelings of emotional intimacy, connectedness and confidence in our various interpersonal relationships.